فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ
Then which of your Lord’s favours will you ˹humans and jinn˺ both deny? (Surah Ar-Rahman)
Assalamualaikum,
It's already almost the end of the year? I haven't been posting here as frequently, but it's high time to reflect back on the year and thank Allah for the unlimited favors He has granted. Unfortunately, I haven't been the most appreciative person to exist, with my mind always trying to spin rizq as "tests" instead, being too paranoid, anxious, and overthinking that these blessings are a means of Allah to test me of my faith, whether they are istidraj instead, will I end up being corrupt because of them, will I be more attached to the world because of them, will my values be influenced due to them, will I be arrogant and forgetful of the plight of the more needy because of them, will I care more about others' validation instead of Allah. Funnily, I forgot one of the most important things - will I be an ungrateful servant because of them?
I worry about all of these too much, so it clouds my mind from simply thanking Allah for what He has given me, and trust in Him as the best planner. I worry about all of the above so much that I forgot that these have been things that I once prayed for so fervently!
Suhaib reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said:
Strange are the ways of a believer for there is good in every affair of his and this is not the case with anyone else except in the case of a believer for if he has an occasion to feel delight, he thanks (God), thus there is a good for him in it, and if he gets into trouble and shows resignation (and endures it patiently), there is a good for him in it. (Sahih Muslim)
So this is it. A post in an attempt to reconcile and remind myself of the countless blessings He has given, in which what I can write here only makes up 0.001% of His mercy and many other unseen and unknown things He has saved me from, in alternative timelines.
Career-wise, alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah again for everything, both the good and the bad. Alhamdulillah for the variety of experiences and witnessing and learning more about the world, its people, and multiple organisations, even those that disgust me, but ultimately reminding me to be disattached to the world and acknowledge the corruption and ugly nature of humans, thus reminding me of the words of Allah and acknowledging that the only perfection that exists is in the akhirah:
ظَهَرَ ٱلْفَسَادُ فِى ٱلْبَرِّ وَٱلْبَحْرِ بِمَا كَسَبَتْ أَيْدِى ٱلنَّاسِ لِيُذِيقَهُم بَعْضَ ٱلَّذِى عَمِلُوا۟ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْجِعُونَ ٤١
Corruption has spread on land and sea as a result of what people’s hands have done, so that Allah may cause them to taste ˹the consequences of˺ some of their deeds and perhaps they might return ˹to the Right Path˺. (Surah Ar-Rum ayat 41)
Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying:
The world is a prison-house for a believer and Paradise for a non-believer. (Sahih Muslim)
Regardless, alhamdulillah again and again. Alhamdulillah for He has concealed my faults in the eyes of the others. Alhamdulillah for the various rizq and providence and experiences I went through this year while working.
Alhamdulillah for how He has created me with perfect limbs and functioning organs, which allow me to travel and go to various events with energy and willpower at this young age. Thank you, Allah, for the opportunity to learn and explore various cultures and places, and understand how wide the world He has created.
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَـٰكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍۢ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَـٰكُمْ شُعُوبًۭا وَقَبَآئِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوٓا۟ ۚ إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَتْقَىٰكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌۭ ١٣
O humanity! Indeed, We created you from a male and a female, and made you into peoples and tribes so that you may ˹get to˺ know one another. Surely the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous among you. Allah is truly All-Knowing, All-Aware. (Surah Al-Hujurat Ayat 13
Alhamdulillah ya Allah, for how He has allowed me to re-learn and rediscover Islam, as it is only by His will that my heart was open and inclined to begin to seek Him again. Alhamdulillah for the nudge to start reading books written to understand You better and for me to learn how to show my Love better for Him. Alhamdulillah for the opportunity to walk into places of similar souls in need to know You more, of like-minded people that inspire me to be better, inspire me to learn more with their extensive knowledge that You have granted them. Alhamdulillah for the beneficial suhba, always encouraging and inviting for 'ilm events and ibadah, who inspire others to goodness simply by the characters that they show. May Allah continue to put me among people whom You love and whom loves You.
Alhamdulillah again and again for the opportunity to also remember and learn more about the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ through the sirah, and for the reminder of how lucky I am to be of his ummah. How lucky I am to have functioning eyes and ears that could read and listen to these reminders of Allah and Muhammad ﷺ, how lucky am I to be born a Muslim in a country where it is safe to practice Islam, how lucky am I to be in a central location where it's easy to go to 'ilm events, how lucky am I to live in a place without attack or natural disasters, how lucky am I to be living in an era at the same time of these fellow learners, how lucky am I to have healthy and living, supportive parents, how lucky am I to have the financial means to comfortably seek for You, how lucky am I to have pathways open to be closer to You, how lucky am I to have my brain and mind to perceive these 'ilm and reflect on the greatness and love of Allah.
It is never of one's own will, nor action that allows one to perform ibadah or remember Him, except that He wills it, so it is important to never be arrogant when one gets a chance to do so, knowing that it is only by Allah's mercy that hearts are inclined towards Him. Alhamdulillah for His mercy in remembering me. Again and again, when I am undeserving, when I do, think, or say disappointing things, alhamdulillah for the feelings of regret and the opportunity to repent, again and again. Alhamdulillah again for the fully functioning limbs and health, to perform solah and make dua, as a remembrance that I am only in this world to worship You, Ya Allah, that I am but a servant, that only Your validation matters. That this dunya is nothing compared to the akhirah. That chasing after the akhirah should not just be a priority or given greater importance, it is the only success that matters. Thank you, Allah, for the opportunity to seek repentance, again and again. Thank you, Allah, for even putting the intention and niyyah to perform solah, zikr, and go to paths with the intention of pleasing You. Indeed, I am not deserving of these countless blessings, and I am an ungrateful servant, yet You have been the Most Generous.
Alhamdulillah for everything, and may You grant me the chance to be a more grateful servant, and see Your blessings in everything.
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