Nostalgia

Assalamualaikum and hello. Hope you are doing well. I hope I'm doing well if I'm reading this in the future. 

In psychology, we learnt about a psychoanalytic theory proposed by Anna Freud (Sigmund Freud's daughter) called defence mechanisms. Yeah, I know it's an everyday term at this point haha. Anyway, one of them is regression: a defence mechanism whereby the ego reverts to an earlier stage of development usually in response to stressful situations. Regression functions as a form of retreat, enabling a person to psychologically go back in time to a period when the person felt safer.

Although straying from its original form, I've been thinking about this on days where I choose to listen to songs that bring me back to earlier years: from Indonesian and Malay songs that can still get me bawling internally to old-fashioned K-Pop transporting me to my Form 1 days to English songs you can't escape from listening to the radio back before Youtube or social media was a big thing. Up until now, I still rotate reading the same books by Sophie Kinsella for the 20th time each even when I know the plots by heart from having reading them since in school. The world suddenly feels like a less scary, happier place to be in through these temporary escape portals. 

I'm writing these as my heart breaks once again at the news of people's loved ones dying from COVID-19. I can't even imagine if I have to lose any of my family members or friends due to this pandemic, and the thought of it scares me and saddens me. Wondering if the day will ever come to ride the LRT again with friends, to go on a trip with my family, to meet people once again. I can't fathom the fact that it might have been the last time for me to have interacted with some people physically, without even being aware of it, without being able to say a proper goodbye. 

Moving on to the semester, it's the second week and the negative feeling about studies haven't fully sunk in yet, been pretty calm so far. Recently been journaling much more and playing some random 10-minute mindfulness video on Youtube on some days. Have been trying to sit outside the house on a plastic chair to get some sun and look at trees within the gate. Have been attempting to cook, mostly just scrambled eggs in the morning haha but watching food videos and pictures have been very therapeutic. Just done today with my final and 6th week of group therapy that I signed up for by practicum students. 

The 2020 Tokyo Olympics is also currently going on. It has been fun keeping up with all the sports involving Malaysian athletes and supporting them, which at least gives an excuse to detach from all the negativity going on. My side of K-Pop Twitter is full of our Malaysian badminton players haha like Lee Zii Jia, Aaron Chia and Soh Wooi Yik. Gosh, this would've been such a great time if it weren't for the pandemic, just imagining people in mamak stalls shouting together to cheer on our athletes. I'm missing the 2016 Olympics when Amira and I were obsessed with Lee Chong Wei and Lin Dan and even Viktor Axelsen at that time (who just won Gold this year!). I remember being able to go to Dataran Merdeka full of people during Merdeka to watch the perarakan Merdeka with our Malaysian athletes making an appearance. That seemed a long time ago. 

That's all for today's post. Stay safe, wherever you are.