Assalamualaikum and happy Ramadhan, it's been a while. Hope you are doing well.
There were actually several posts in between this one and the one I did in February but they were so negative. Not that this is one here will be any less negative but I'll try.
I turned 23 a few days ago, was reminded again of how easily it is for my anxious attachment style to be triggered lol but overall it's been a peaceful birthday reminding me of the people I appreciate greatly in my life. It's also Ramadhan now, I'm thankful to Aynn for making me join her daily tadarus Al-Quran sessions in the mornings. I'm trying my best to fix my sleeping schedule so that I don't end up sleeping in the day while fasting and able to wake up for qiyamullail as best as I can, insyaAllah.
I'm actually writing here because I have something to prepare due tomorrow and I'm kind of feeling like in a block and absolutely... burnt out. It's halfway through the semester already with six more weeks to go. As usual, I think I am taking more than I can chew. Besides Honours, I'm also leading PASS sessions for PSY1011, twice a week. I've also been doing freelance copywriting since early this year (?) which I cannot express how thankful I am to my friend from MONGA for opening up the opportunity for me. I was also doing translation work which was voluntary but I still got a goodies haha like a jar of cookies for translating psychosocial modules and translated with a friend 30 pages of questionnaires for a friend's Honours project. Aside from that, have been involved as a facilitator every other weekend for SOLS Health's KAMI Programme aimed to provide psychosocial support to the underserved community living in PPR. I'm thankful to be surrounded by mental health practitioners for this one who inspires me with their drive in supporting community mental health. Lastly, I've been selected as a mentor for the Closing The Gap Malaysia programme in which I am paired up with a student scholar for two years to help them in their process of finding their passion, entering university, applying for scholarships, etc. Having meetups with my mentee and other mentors has been insightful and I hope I will be able to do my best for her to reach her best potential.
It's been a while since the last time I had a weekend for myself, or even a single day where I do not touch any responsibility-related stuff whether it's for studies or volunteer work. But then again, this probably applies to almost everyone my age and even my Honours peers.
Here is some random thought dump slash updates. After my full-time stint with SOLS Health, I had a massive mindset change in which I was no longer interested to become a clinical psychologist and was considering of how it's like to do industrial/organizational psychology and work in corporate settings instead. I think my volunteer work with SOLS Health kind of brought me back on the ground a bit as I realized how fulfilled and satisfied I felt at the end of the day despite being tired and doing it without any financial gains. Of course, I do realize the reality of it of having to think of doing something that would be able to support my life in the future, the kind of work which can support my living with the increasing costs of living, etc. There's still time, I hope I will be able to strike a balance of doing work that can be well-paying and at the same time work that is meaningful and able to cause positive change to the Malaysian community, especially those who might be overlooked. Or doing one for a while before the other. I don't know.
On to Honours. Well, let's just say doing this has effectively removed any intention of mine of being a researcher or in academia hahaha. Although this should be my main priority, I can't believe with everything else going on I'm seeing it as the thing that is getting in my way amidst the other stuff. I think there was a day where I was just telling my mother how I have 0 willpower and motivation in doing this, it's just me dragging myself day to day doing something I can't find myself giving a reason as to why I'm doing. I think I was pretty anxious for the first few weeks with how much I dreaded the Statistics unit and how time and effort consuming it was learning how to use R programming. I don't think I'm doing any better with it now, I've just accepted the fact that well, it's okay I guess if I don't do that well in the Honours research project overall and the Statistics unit. Not meaning that I won't try at all and still attempt to work hard, but more to accepting that it's not worth sacrificing my mental health for. This is also just me I guess, but one of the worst things in Honours I think is the sense of loneliness (?) as in the feeling of Honours preceding friendships? But this is probably my anxiously attached self asking for too much.
Non-serious stuff here. Since the end of last year I binge-watched quite a number of K-Dramas haha. They were: Sweet Home, Love Alarm, Start Up (I loved this more than I expected), Mr. Queen, Extraordinary You, Extracurricular, while I also watched around halfway of True Beauty and 18 Again. Had a Kim Seonho, Song Kang, and Lee Dohyun phase hahah. Recently very much into NCT Dream with my favorite member being Jaemin. I love their variety content so much, as well as NCT's one generally. Am also keeping up with Kingdom, mainly supporting IKON but also falling into the hole of liking BTOB, SF9 and ATEEZ with their amazing performances and discography. Also stoked for NU'EST's and DAY6's comeback tomorrow! As for books, have read Tablo's Blonote and Pieces of You. Finished reading Sophie Kinsella's Love Your Life and Christmas Shopaholic too. Got me thinking about life with Alain de Botton's Essays in Love. Just completed Marjane Satrapi's famous graphic novel Persepolis about her experience during the Iranian Revolution which I briefly got a glimpse upon in first year when I took the Introduction to World Politics unit. Pending books to read include Persepolis 2, KL Noir: Magic and Alvin Ung's Together: Finding Purpose at the Crossroads of Me + We.
That's it for today's update, hopefully a much more lighter one compared to previous posts. May you have a blessed Ramadhan, stay safe and healthy wherever you are.
Assalamualaikum.
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