Happy new year!
Before I start reviewing how 2019 was like, let me just recap how the 2nd half of the year was. Guess it was a bit calmer. I don't remember much of what happened. I started driving, with most of my travels back from uni either being at night or when it's raining heavily ahaha #training . Carried on my club activities as usual, contributed to writing for MONGA and even got to be a producer for one of their videos which was fun! Organized the food bazaar again for MUVP, and organized the hallmark event where we brought 40 kids from UNHCR Manna Learning Center along with 40 volunteers to a fully-funded trip to Petrosains KLCC, as well as the Volunteer Appreciation Night at the end of the semester.
In terms of studies, there was nothing remarkable much. Learnt a lot in the Counselling unit, and the Research Methods unit which was all about statistics and using the SPSS software was very stressful. I chose to talk about mindfulness in religions and how Islamic practices actually include them such as in solat etc. in one of my final assignments and got good marks for that hurhur that was fun. It was also fun (actually very hell-ish) doing the final research assignment where we chose our own areas in terms of emerging young adulthood and run it through the SPSS, got ok grades for that too as I discussed how race could moderate the negative relationship between mindfulness and negativity. Hahaha I know it's really boring of me to talk about my assignments but I really want to remember the torturous hours and sleepless nights spent in doing them. Alright, alright, one last one. I also had fun for the case report assignment where we make up a report of a fictional character with a mental illness coming to see us, and I really put in my experience from watching dramas and cooked up some sad dramatic story on how my patient was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and got good grades for this too. Alhamdulillah, overall, I was just 2 marks away from getting all HDsscrew you Counselling.
Okie. Let's review 2019. In terms of the kind of achievements people brag about on Linkedin or whatever, I:
Before I start reviewing how 2019 was like, let me just recap how the 2nd half of the year was. Guess it was a bit calmer. I don't remember much of what happened. I started driving, with most of my travels back from uni either being at night or when it's raining heavily ahaha #training . Carried on my club activities as usual, contributed to writing for MONGA and even got to be a producer for one of their videos which was fun! Organized the food bazaar again for MUVP, and organized the hallmark event where we brought 40 kids from UNHCR Manna Learning Center along with 40 volunteers to a fully-funded trip to Petrosains KLCC, as well as the Volunteer Appreciation Night at the end of the semester.
In terms of studies, there was nothing remarkable much. Learnt a lot in the Counselling unit, and the Research Methods unit which was all about statistics and using the SPSS software was very stressful. I chose to talk about mindfulness in religions and how Islamic practices actually include them such as in solat etc. in one of my final assignments and got good marks for that hurhur that was fun. It was also fun (actually very hell-ish) doing the final research assignment where we chose our own areas in terms of emerging young adulthood and run it through the SPSS, got ok grades for that too as I discussed how race could moderate the negative relationship between mindfulness and negativity. Hahaha I know it's really boring of me to talk about my assignments but I really want to remember the torturous hours and sleepless nights spent in doing them. Alright, alright, one last one. I also had fun for the case report assignment where we make up a report of a fictional character with a mental illness coming to see us, and I really put in my experience from watching dramas and cooked up some sad dramatic story on how my patient was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and got good grades for this too. Alhamdulillah, overall, I was just 2 marks away from getting all HDs
Okie. Let's review 2019. In terms of the kind of achievements people brag about on Linkedin or whatever, I:
- Graduated in a beginner's course in Malaysian Sign Language
- Became the External Relations Officer in the Monash University Volunteer Program which links over 100 student volunteers to 9 NGOs on a weekly basis. Organized the bi-annual food bazaar that raised over RM7000 to fund MUVP activities (eg Grab reimbursements for the volunteers to go to their NGOs). Organized the day out with 40 refugee kids to Petrosains KLCC, all expenses paid for.
- Became a writer and producer for Monash University's student-led publication, the Monash Gazette (MONGA). I covered the university's events like TEDx Monash, Monash Street Dance Society's K-Volt and Monash Street Jam dance competitions. I also worked on projects like Humans of Monash, Letters to My Younger Self, The Food Affair as well as became a producer for one of the videos. Our preorders for the physical copy of the magazine were more than 500 for each semester.
- Maintained good grades, with my current CGPA, now just finished my 3rd year 1st semester and moving on to my final semester (if I'm not continuing with honors) at 3.844.
Sounds good? These all also happened in 2019.
soz I'm a Psychology student I need to keep track of my own emotions and see if there's a pattern or if there's triggers to when I'm feeling sad
I have to admit that the first half of 2019 was a terrible time for my mind. I was overwhelmed with my responsibilities, I felt like I wasn't doing good enough. I felt like a burden. I was also thinking the worst of others. I was questioning my friendships, I was questioning if I could trust people. Why do people say one thing and yet act differently? A lot of my thoughts include "I can't wait till this year ends (yay now it has!)" and "Why can't people leave me alone?". I learnt that I could become so toxic. I learnt that I could hate so, so much. I learnt how hate could eat me up from the inside and totally consume my everyday thoughts. I learnt that I could lash out to the people I care and who care about me, getting annoyed and irritated to people asking me how I am and trying to probe me into disclosing my emotions. I learnt that these mouth and hands of mine are capable of saying and writing mean things, Astaghfirullahalazim. I also learnt how scary I could be with the people I am not fond of as I found out how they trust me and think of me as a good friend. I learnt how much pain my mind and heart could go through.
Time made everything better naturally, of course. But if I were to be honest, getting closer to Allah really helped a lot with ceasing whatever pain I felt. Desperate to stop hurting, I started reading a lot of self-help books and one that struck a chord with me was Yasmin Mogahed's Reclaiming Your Heart. It really reminded me to only surrender to Allah, and that Allah was enough for me. I got to read books like Mizi Wahid's The Art of Letting God, Ayesha Syahira's Being A Quran Tag Girl, Norhafsah Mahid's Letters to God and Rough Diamond and Habiburrahman El Shirazy's Ayat-Ayat Cinta which all reminded me of what actually matters in this life and if I'm attaching myself to all the wrong things, I know that iman is something that fluctuates, and I'm just thankful to be able to hold on to it for now at least. I hope I'll always know that I have Allah to count on and that He is always there to accept me whenever I feel like I don't deserve the good things in life.
Yeah, yeah, I know I said all those but still am very much hooked to worldly entertainments this year ish ish ish. For example, I watched this Malaysian singing competition called Big Stage and supported this contestant who was an ex-KPop star named Hanbyul. Watching that show rekindled love in me for Malay songs and now I can't seem to listen to any radio station while driving except for Era ahaha I can name all the trending local songs and singers now. I also had a phase where I was very much into this local rap group called K-Clique, especially their most famous member MK ahaha. Their songs really gave me the motivation during the end of my semester to stay up and do my assignments.
2020 resolutions. Hm. Same as before, I'd like to maintain a good relationship with my Creator. I'd also like to be more in peace and relaxed, I've planned to not be a part of any clubs next semester and just focus on my academics. I'd like to be better in studies, hopefully no more doing work last minute and hopefully I get enough sleep hahaha no more skipping sleep and feeling like dying for a month straight pls. What else? I want to avoid stressful and possibly toxic people, situations and surroundings. Maybe control more what I think, say, and do. To not say and do things I will regret later. To not disclose myself too much to people I will regret telling to later. I feel like in 2019 I might have overshared and disclosed too much to others, especially to others who definitely do not need to know that much about me hahah. Perhaps I was a bit overbearing too as a friend. That's why I hope I can keep more to myself in 2020, and just.. focus on me.
Have a good 2020!
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