Why so serious?

Two days ago one of the kittens at my house died. It became sick suddenly at night and it was clear that it would die soon. The vets were closed. I held the dying kitten in my arms in the dark for hours and watched it until it breathed its last breath. I hope it knows how much it is loved until the end. Then I went into my room and locked the door to cry.

Until now I still cry about the kittens and cats I had in the past that didn't make it to old age. Sometimes when my mind gets really dark and I think of ending it all, it comforts me to think, "at least I get to see them again".

Anyway, I'm tired.