Oh wow, all those free time passed without me posting anything new here and now with deadlines approaching and assignments unfinished only now do I want to post something new hahaha. I guess I've been putting it off so long because I always want each post to record everything that happened accurately for me to remember in the future, thus it requires me to stalk all my social media to see what happened at specific dates etc. But now, I'm just like meh whatever.
I don't know what this is. An appreciation post? A pat-yourself-at-the-back post? I don't know. What I know is that I'll write positive things here in continuation of the last post.
Despite all the negativity that went on in my head last semester, there were a lot of silver linings too. I joined the Netball club despite not being an active person at all lol but each club meeting made me a little happier. Maybe because I was from an all-girls school, so the majority of the people being girls brought a sense of familiarity, of sisterhood. Maybe because of that specific chemical that is secreted after you exercise lifted my mood. I felt more appreciative of who I am and my height hahaha. The last time I played netball was in Form 2 and I was heartbroken after not being chosen for the school team and stopped completely. So of course, this time I started back from zero, but it was nice to hear the captain saying I have potential etc and by the end of the 8th week of training, she called me and asked if I could make it to the university team for the competition. It felt like a huge sense of achievement? Sadly, I had to reject the offer because my cousin was getting engaged on the same day hahaha I'm sorry Sharmilee and my parents had to watch me cry because of this. Still, I'm thankful for the experience, especially now knowing I can't join any sporting activities in my life, ever.
Next: academics. I'm so sorry, I don't have many things to brag about my life like I don't go to events or parties nor do I have a great fashion sense and beauty or some love life so academics is the only thing I can hold on to. I feel like... without it, I am nothing? So back to being stressed about learning all these new things in uni and being afraid from the last post. I felt like I shouldn't be that intimidated in the first place by the extroverted people in class becauseempty cans make loud noises lol jk that was mean I ended up getting ok grades anyway even with being insecure and unconfident about everything. It's always a pleasant surprise when the lecturer and tutor from different subjects come up to you and say you did a good job in your assignments when you least expect it among hundreds of people. The Globalisation presentation that I was so scared of and cried after knowing that I had to do it because I felt like I didn't know anything and I don't think I can catch up to everyone? I ended up getting 9.5/10 for it, Alhamdulillah. It's also a surreal feeling to have my Psych tutor using my paper as an example for everyone this semester. Alhamdulillah too, I ended up getting all High Distinctions for last semester, equivalent to 4.0 CGPA. Hopefully, I can do so too this semester though I highly doubt it. Gotta learn to do things without applause because there's no award/certificate/Dean's list in my uni. I guess it helped that I actually liked what I am studying so that keeps me going.
Moving on. Friends. I'm thankful to have friends I can relate to more in uni hahaha. Last semester, 3/5 of us in my group of friends had to go for anxiety counselling and the other one was probably only excused because she didn't come for the screening test HAHAHA so in a way, we can relate to each other a lot in terms of disliking interactions with people, but we have each other. After feeling so terrible about myself too in pre-u because everyone around me studied 24/7 and completed their assignments/work at least a week early everytime while I do mine the night before, now I feel more normal because everyone around me does it too hahaha. It doesn't feel like a competition, because we're all helping each other (not unlike in MUFY where people keep papers from seniors to themselves lol) and motivating each other, plus giving support whenever we need it. Now with an additional person in my group of friends, I can't describe how thankful I am for everyone. I just feel so.. content. We don't do exciting stuff or anything but just the fact that we stick to each other in times of ups and downs and message each other at 4AM doing assignments gives me a sense of belonging somehow. Of celebrating little things and nitpicking random stuff, there are weeks when I feel like I'm in a coming-of-age book/movie/series. Especially so in this semester. I would also like to give a shoutout to my high school friends for the random meetups on weekends.
I'm also somehow trying to be more involved in the things I want to this semester instead of things I think I should join just because I think it would look good on paper. I'm in the Monash Volunteering Programme and this week was my last week of teaching refugee children from Myanmar after six weeks. My specific class was only four 7-9 year olds but I got to bond a lot of them and my heart melts a bit everytime I walk in the class and have them cheer and hug me. Can I also mention how BIG their potential is? I feel like their learning capability was much better than me when I was their age because they learn so well!!! Besides that, I'm in the Islamic Society and they have this weekly halaqah sessions that feels so therapeutic every time. There's a sense of peace and calmness in the heart for each session, somewhat like a group therapy hahah. I don't contribute much and just listen to the discussion for most parts but it's nice to hear people's experiences, ideas and advice. Moreover, I'm a subcommittee writer for my university's magazine/website, Monash Gazette (MONGA). It's pretty cool and I like the direction and aesthetic it's going, very Tumblr-zine-street like. Thanks to it, I got to cover events I would not have joined on my own will like talks by founders of Pestle and Mortar as well as Major Drop and participating in a speed-dating like event called Flash Friends (it was traumatizing but fun lol). Other than that, I'm also helping out in running this ongoing psychological research about perception. It's interesting to see what people assume others think of them and see if it's actually true or not, and see people's attraction to the opposite gender (don't mind this my psych lecturer's area of speciality is about sexuality HAHAHA but she's doing it to help reduce sexual harassment cases). I guess I get to learn more about what will be done in a research in the future if I decide to become a pscyhologist.
So I guess those are some things that I'm thankful for. I have a class in an hour and need to get ready now. Also, Salam Ramadhan! May we be able to focus on making our hearts clean from negativity and wrongdoings this month.
I don't know what this is. An appreciation post? A pat-yourself-at-the-back post? I don't know. What I know is that I'll write positive things here in continuation of the last post.
Despite all the negativity that went on in my head last semester, there were a lot of silver linings too. I joined the Netball club despite not being an active person at all lol but each club meeting made me a little happier. Maybe because I was from an all-girls school, so the majority of the people being girls brought a sense of familiarity, of sisterhood. Maybe because of that specific chemical that is secreted after you exercise lifted my mood. I felt more appreciative of who I am and my height hahaha. The last time I played netball was in Form 2 and I was heartbroken after not being chosen for the school team and stopped completely. So of course, this time I started back from zero, but it was nice to hear the captain saying I have potential etc and by the end of the 8th week of training, she called me and asked if I could make it to the university team for the competition. It felt like a huge sense of achievement? Sadly, I had to reject the offer because my cousin was getting engaged on the same day hahaha I'm sorry Sharmilee and my parents had to watch me cry because of this. Still, I'm thankful for the experience, especially now knowing I can't join any sporting activities in my life, ever.
Next: academics. I'm so sorry, I don't have many things to brag about my life like I don't go to events or parties nor do I have a great fashion sense and beauty or some love life so academics is the only thing I can hold on to. I feel like... without it, I am nothing? So back to being stressed about learning all these new things in uni and being afraid from the last post. I felt like I shouldn't be that intimidated in the first place by the extroverted people in class because
Moving on. Friends. I'm thankful to have friends I can relate to more in uni hahaha. Last semester, 3/5 of us in my group of friends had to go for anxiety counselling and the other one was probably only excused because she didn't come for the screening test HAHAHA so in a way, we can relate to each other a lot in terms of disliking interactions with people, but we have each other. After feeling so terrible about myself too in pre-u because everyone around me studied 24/7 and completed their assignments/work at least a week early everytime while I do mine the night before, now I feel more normal because everyone around me does it too hahaha. It doesn't feel like a competition, because we're all helping each other (not unlike in MUFY where people keep papers from seniors to themselves lol) and motivating each other, plus giving support whenever we need it. Now with an additional person in my group of friends, I can't describe how thankful I am for everyone. I just feel so.. content. We don't do exciting stuff or anything but just the fact that we stick to each other in times of ups and downs and message each other at 4AM doing assignments gives me a sense of belonging somehow. Of celebrating little things and nitpicking random stuff, there are weeks when I feel like I'm in a coming-of-age book/movie/series. Especially so in this semester. I would also like to give a shoutout to my high school friends for the random meetups on weekends.
I'm also somehow trying to be more involved in the things I want to this semester instead of things I think I should join just because I think it would look good on paper. I'm in the Monash Volunteering Programme and this week was my last week of teaching refugee children from Myanmar after six weeks. My specific class was only four 7-9 year olds but I got to bond a lot of them and my heart melts a bit everytime I walk in the class and have them cheer and hug me. Can I also mention how BIG their potential is? I feel like their learning capability was much better than me when I was their age because they learn so well!!! Besides that, I'm in the Islamic Society and they have this weekly halaqah sessions that feels so therapeutic every time. There's a sense of peace and calmness in the heart for each session, somewhat like a group therapy hahah. I don't contribute much and just listen to the discussion for most parts but it's nice to hear people's experiences, ideas and advice. Moreover, I'm a subcommittee writer for my university's magazine/website, Monash Gazette (MONGA). It's pretty cool and I like the direction and aesthetic it's going, very Tumblr-zine-street like. Thanks to it, I got to cover events I would not have joined on my own will like talks by founders of Pestle and Mortar as well as Major Drop and participating in a speed-dating like event called Flash Friends (it was traumatizing but fun lol). Other than that, I'm also helping out in running this ongoing psychological research about perception. It's interesting to see what people assume others think of them and see if it's actually true or not, and see people's attraction to the opposite gender (don't mind this my psych lecturer's area of speciality is about sexuality HAHAHA but she's doing it to help reduce sexual harassment cases). I guess I get to learn more about what will be done in a research in the future if I decide to become a pscyhologist.
So I guess those are some things that I'm thankful for. I have a class in an hour and need to get ready now. Also, Salam Ramadhan! May we be able to focus on making our hearts clean from negativity and wrongdoings this month.
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