Of fashion and makeup

Judging by the title above, you can probably predict the level of pretentiousness in this post HAHAHAHA but bear with my 1.30 AM state who just went through old Vivy Yusof's blog posts. 

I have a confession to make. I actually really do like to keep up to date to the latest makeup item and fashion trends even when I look like the last person who do. Let's start with makeup first. I remember getting hooked to watching makeup videos after my brother showed me Michelle Phan's Barbie look tutorial for Halloween when I was 12. I loved seeing girls transforming their looks and I probably imagined how I look like too since that was the peak of my dislike of my own face hahaha. Throughout the years I've watched tutorials I've learnt of ways to contour, highlight, bake (yes it's a makeup term), strobe etc.; of primers and setting spray; of the difference in the quality between drugstore and high end makeup formulas. Some of my favorite Youtubers that I watched were Michelle Phan, that Makeup by Mandy girl (?) (though I heard that she's changed to be more herself?), Pony, Jeffree Star (not his attitude though) and for locally, Putreeo. I also admire looking at people's face with their makeup on fleek on Instagram. The thing is, I don't wear makeup myself and I don't think I ever will on a daily basis. I've tried once or twice for like.. prefect party and graduation and sometimes I just try it on for fun in my room and end up wiping them off after an hour or so. Why? Firstly, let's just say I'm not confident enough to look different from the way I've always looked. Second, Michelle Phan once said that makeup is like a painting, and the canvas which is your skin needs to be smooth. Mine is far from that so when I try putting on any layer of foundation it just looks very obvious. I went to Sephora just last week and scampered out ten minutes after after looking at my makeup free reflection on the mirror lol. Next, maybe because I'm the only girl among my siblings  with two older brothers so it just feels kind of awkward if I do wear makeup when going out with my family.. and of course them being males means that they don't really support the idea of makeup generally. Boohoo. Moreover, the leceh part. I don't think I can commit myself to spending at least an extra fifteen minutes even before heading out to the public.. and to spend more time wiping them off before going to sleep (because I am the type who would just sleep when I'm really tired without washing my face etc ikr so lazy and unkempt ew). Plus, I've always wondered how people can keep their makeup on when they need to pray etc like it seems like so much work to wipe them off and put them back again, or even to tahan your air sembahyang for hours (blame my stomach lol). Lastly, they do cost a bomb and I'm a very stingy person. So, overall for now I might only reserve wearing it for special occasions but who knows how I will be like in the future.

Next is fashion. My primary school self loved drawing clothes and designing dresses. My ambition used to be a fashion designer until my mom ruined it for me saying that anyone can do that and it's not really reputable or stable as a career lol. Anyway, I used to only read the newspapers on Wednesdays because that was when the fashion section was featured, and I could tell the differences in style between designers. Because my mum subscribed to the Nona magazine too, my 9 year old self would flip the pages every month and look at the clothes the people were wearing haha. I was super excited when the fashion magazine for those wearing the hijab came out, Hijabista , until I realized how pretentious it was. Anyway, I liked being up to date with the mass media related to the fashion industry like movies, series, etc. I've read all the books in the Shopaholic series from cover to cover countless times, The Devil Wears Prada and the sequel; watched seasons of Korea's Next Top Model and Asia's Next Top Model and also Style Log, and even went for this short online course by the Parsons School of Design (the free trial only covered one segment and later on you had to pay grrr so I stopped). As interested as I am in fashion, I am not interested in dressing up myself hahah. I mean, in my head the idea of looking at clothes and shopping and trying out clothes all seem so glitz and fun and so Instagram-worthy but when I go to actual shops suddenly all my interest just fades away for some reason. Most of my arguments with my mum whenever we go out is about me complaining how she shops too much and too long and how I just want to go home lol. Even when I was a small child, my mum was worried that my dad would somehow scold me into disliking shops because I would cry whenever we enter a store but in reality, it's just really me being tired of standing too long. In my head I really do want to become like famous people who dress up well on Instagram but I really don't have enough courage to do so myself I guess. Maybe because most of them look mature and elegant in their clothes, while I've been looking waaaayyyy too mature for my age since young that I don't want to dress all lady-like and grownup-ish. I remember going to my driving class  in a long sleeved black tshirt and loose jeans and unstyled tudung bawal with sneakers, basically very selekeh look, when I saw my friend all dressed up so I said hi to her. Later on, my driving instructor asked me if she was really my friend and is my age because to him she looks like some 'mak orang' going for an event. I know that it's rude and I shouldn't listen to what others comment on your look, especially coming from men, but at that moment a teeny bit of joy entered my heart because yo when was the last time I ever looked younger than my peers, just because I looked like I wasn't making an effort to dress up which was supposed to be like a mindset of a schoolkid haha? Idk man after years of being commented that I look like my mom's OLDER sister, I'm in no rush in wanting to dress up maturely. Sometimes too, clothes look so unattractive to me on hangers but when I see people wearing them it's like whoaaa it looks nicer on person so that could be a reason why I don't shop too often too. Half of my wardrobe are hand-me-downs from my brothers, a quarter of it being things my mum bought that wants to force me to wear and another quarter being birthday presents hahah. My handbag that I recently used was a gift from my aunty when I was 11 years old and I'm still using it. However, there was a time when I was interested in branded stuff, but they were street clothing like from Hood By Air, HUF, Boy London, Pigalle, Stüssy, Supreme, Obey and Adidas Originals. That phase ended.. or has it? Anyway, the conclusion is I like seeing people wearing nice clothes or styling people in my head than actually wearing them myself for whatever reason. I still have a hijabista image of myself in my head in pastel chiffon clothing though, so maybe one day I'll make an effort to achieve that dream hahaha maybe in my twenties. 

So this has been a random post by me at almost 3 AM now about makeup and fashion. Bilalah I nak glow up ni I tunggu je.