Manipulating Your Past

Hello! Random post here. So I went down a trip to memory lane and started reading this blog from its beginning, 6 years ago which was in 2010. And I felt.. horrified.. yet proud at the same time? Let me tell you why. 12 / 13 year old Durrah was very... how do I say this.. bitter? (is there even any difference from now). Oh, sod it. Pros of her: Very hardworking and perfectionist, confident, appreciates and loves self, very opiniated, talks straight to the point. Cons of her: Not-so-good English (quite understandable), kind of rude, obnoxious, offending, narrow-minded, spiteful, lies, no guilt in mocking others, not understanding and somewhat harsh? And I felt proud because the me now being able to notice all that must mean I have somewhat changed right? Ok now I am the one being too harsh hey I wasn't that bad in the past there were just some occasions when I was all that, but what's the difference from now really.  It makes me wonder how the me 6 years from now will think when she reads my blog posts now. So embarrassed of my old posts, I thought to myself, what do I do with these? Do I:

1. Delete them off completely?
2. Edit them all by writing new content there to make myself seem perfect?
3. Only delete the unnecessary offending words?
4. Let it be.

Now, the point of me deleting it is not to build a picture-perfect fake image of myself in the past. Tbh it is more to not hurting others feelings and be offensive (which seems to happen quite a lot). However, if I just let it be, readers can see the growth and difference in thinking as time passes by and realize that hey, everyone CAN change and everyone deserves a second chance, as well as realizing bad attitude can be fixed over time. However, my thoughts went off to thinking of Korean idols now and how they were bashed severely over negative actions they have done in their past by making screenshots of their old posts, and no one seems to be able to forgive them no matter how much they have proved that they have changed. And so, I made the decision.

It was a mix of all four of the options above (except no. 2). So far I have deleted around 8 posts (they were full of ridiculous rants and hate). Posts that show no harm to others were just left like its original state. By no harm to others, I mean, like understandable 12-year old immaturity and not-so-good English and writing style. And for unnecessary offending words, those were deleted (nothing serious actually it was like me bashing Justin Bieber or being happy that my classmate rival got lower marks than me lel).

I could have just done all that without telling anyone, but I felt like it would be dishonest to any future readers. So here I am admitting that yes, I did manipulate my past. But then again, who doesn't? Social media shows the half-full glass part of everybody's life. We see so many people deleting their pictures on Instagram just so they can start over and have an aesthetic feed. We have people who want to change like those who started covering their aurat deleting pictures when they did not. We have people like me who constantly deletes tweets and undoing retweets in fear of annoying or offending others with too much personal life information (and also K-Pop ahahaha). We have those manipulating their past posting in all social media in case their future employees / scholarship assessors / universities / schools do a background check on them.

I'm very bad at writing endings of a post. That is all. Bye.