Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.
For those who don't know, it's been a week since SPM results came out. How was my experience getting it like?
For starters, I don't know how many times I've had dreams about getting 3As and a C in English before this (weird, I know). But all the while I was calm about the idea of it. Until the day before the results. I was out with Zhee Qi, Afaf and Hidayati and all was okay until we ate dessert. I felt nauseous, lightheaded and unable to breathe properly. It was hard maintaining my normal composure on the way back. Almost tripped so many times walking back home. ok it could be due to a biological or chemical reaction with my body and the food but let's just agree it was because of the thought or results shh
I am a person with very low expectations. I mean, I love being happy but being pessimistic at times have saved me so many times before from being disappointed. When my dad asked me what results I would get I told him I would already be so happy and satisfied with just 5As. Even my parents were fine if I didn't get straight As, with the way things were during SPM, me getting shingles and being quarantined for a week answering papers and all. Plus, there was the issue of me always getting Cs and Ds for Add Maths. I didn't mind because my interests are related to Social Sciences instead like Psychology and I even considered Journalism.
My reaction getting the results was very dull compared to everyone ahead of me screaming and crying, because I was one of the three students whose slip keputusan tercicir. Instead, I got a piece of blank paper except for the small writing at the bottom with my name, kod kertas and grades. It was pretty anticlimatic because I was like WHAT HOW DO I READ THIS I DONT UNDERSTAND so I was counting my grades one by one. Alhamdulillah, it was way, way, better than expected. I wasn't even sad for that Add Maths grade that stopped me from getting the ultimate perfect grade because I GOT AN A FOR IT!!! ALHAMDULILLAH.
The funny thing was when I came to school the day after and thanked the teachers, they were giving me sympathizing looks and expected me to be sad........ My mum told me that a teacher asked her, "Tapi kenapa Durrah nampak happy je?" A teacher asked me too with a sympathizing look, "Apa perasaan awak Durrah?" and when I told her that I was really happy and it was better than what I expected she was caught off guard. It makes me wonder how many students before this with my kind of results have they seen dwelling over their grades instead of thanking them and appreciating the teacher's effort even without an A+ happily.
But now I'm trapped by people questioning me for not having bigger dreams and for not wanting to study the likes of engineering, medic, law, actuarial science and economics. I don't know, am I considered as tak bersyukur for not having interest in them when I have the qualifications for them whilst others who do have a passion for it are unable to do so because of their grades.. And I don't mind not studying overseas at all if it means being forced to pretend I want to study something I don't just for the sake of getting a scholarship to study overseas. Thankfully baru lah nak terbuka hati nak belajar things related to biology/chemistry/science like Biotechnology, Biochemistry, Biomed, Chem, or Environmental Sciences. But tbh, I'm more of a short-term-goals kind of person. If I was so focused on getting good results only in the past, I wouldn't have gone through one of the best moments of my school life, winning first place in an interclass acting competition, dancing in front of the whole school thrice in a year or appreciating the beautiful city of Acheh in the middle of my SPM year.
Regardless of whatever results I got, I am so, so, thankful to Allah SWT and all the people who have motivated, helped and supported me through my school years. To my primary school and sekolah agama teachers, for providing a strong foundation for my life in secondary school. To my parents for sending me to and from school, waking me up everyday, providing me with school necessities, advising, and being the most important motivation for me to study harder. To my seniors and people I have met in SAEYLS who made me aspire to be as great as them. To my tuition teachers, especially Mr Ramesh whose guidance helped so, so much especially with his motivational talks and threats (jk). To my juniors, who made me realize how much they look up to us seniors and how important it was for them to have a good role model. To my friends, whose high achievements inspire me to be competitive, who taught me things I don't understand, for bearing with my constant annoying questions on how to stop being so lazy and just inspiring me to be one of them. To SA, for being such a wonderful place for my growth as a person (not just height), for the teachers who have strived to teach and only wants the best for the students (and not just academically), to the PIBG (coughs) who helped the school so much so that their children are doing well in school.
To those who did not manage to get what you expected, I won't tell you to stop being sad if you don't want to or ask you to chin up or anything (though it's not a bad idea). But know that everything happens for a reason, and Allah has better plans for you, there's still a long way to go.
For those who don't know, it's been a week since SPM results came out. How was my experience getting it like?
For starters, I don't know how many times I've had dreams about getting 3As and a C in English before this (weird, I know). But all the while I was calm about the idea of it. Until the day before the results. I was out with Zhee Qi, Afaf and Hidayati and all was okay until we ate dessert. I felt nauseous, lightheaded and unable to breathe properly. It was hard maintaining my normal composure on the way back. Almost tripped so many times walking back home. ok it could be due to a biological or chemical reaction with my body and the food but let's just agree it was because of the thought or results shh
I am a person with very low expectations. I mean, I love being happy but being pessimistic at times have saved me so many times before from being disappointed. When my dad asked me what results I would get I told him I would already be so happy and satisfied with just 5As. Even my parents were fine if I didn't get straight As, with the way things were during SPM, me getting shingles and being quarantined for a week answering papers and all. Plus, there was the issue of me always getting Cs and Ds for Add Maths. I didn't mind because my interests are related to Social Sciences instead like Psychology and I even considered Journalism.
My reaction getting the results was very dull compared to everyone ahead of me screaming and crying, because I was one of the three students whose slip keputusan tercicir. Instead, I got a piece of blank paper except for the small writing at the bottom with my name, kod kertas and grades. It was pretty anticlimatic because I was like WHAT HOW DO I READ THIS I DONT UNDERSTAND so I was counting my grades one by one. Alhamdulillah, it was way, way, better than expected. I wasn't even sad for that Add Maths grade that stopped me from getting the ultimate perfect grade because I GOT AN A FOR IT!!! ALHAMDULILLAH.
The funny thing was when I came to school the day after and thanked the teachers, they were giving me sympathizing looks and expected me to be sad........ My mum told me that a teacher asked her, "Tapi kenapa Durrah nampak happy je?" A teacher asked me too with a sympathizing look, "Apa perasaan awak Durrah?" and when I told her that I was really happy and it was better than what I expected she was caught off guard. It makes me wonder how many students before this with my kind of results have they seen dwelling over their grades instead of thanking them and appreciating the teacher's effort even without an A+ happily.
But now I'm trapped by people questioning me for not having bigger dreams and for not wanting to study the likes of engineering, medic, law, actuarial science and economics. I don't know, am I considered as tak bersyukur for not having interest in them when I have the qualifications for them whilst others who do have a passion for it are unable to do so because of their grades.. And I don't mind not studying overseas at all if it means being forced to pretend I want to study something I don't just for the sake of getting a scholarship to study overseas. Thankfully baru lah nak terbuka hati nak belajar things related to biology/chemistry/science like Biotechnology, Biochemistry, Biomed, Chem, or Environmental Sciences. But tbh, I'm more of a short-term-goals kind of person. If I was so focused on getting good results only in the past, I wouldn't have gone through one of the best moments of my school life, winning first place in an interclass acting competition, dancing in front of the whole school thrice in a year or appreciating the beautiful city of Acheh in the middle of my SPM year.
Regardless of whatever results I got, I am so, so, thankful to Allah SWT and all the people who have motivated, helped and supported me through my school years. To my primary school and sekolah agama teachers, for providing a strong foundation for my life in secondary school. To my parents for sending me to and from school, waking me up everyday, providing me with school necessities, advising, and being the most important motivation for me to study harder. To my seniors and people I have met in SAEYLS who made me aspire to be as great as them. To my tuition teachers, especially Mr Ramesh whose guidance helped so, so much especially with his motivational talks and threats (jk). To my juniors, who made me realize how much they look up to us seniors and how important it was for them to have a good role model. To my friends, whose high achievements inspire me to be competitive, who taught me things I don't understand, for bearing with my constant annoying questions on how to stop being so lazy and just inspiring me to be one of them. To SA, for being such a wonderful place for my growth as a person (not just height), for the teachers who have strived to teach and only wants the best for the students (and not just academically), to the PIBG (coughs) who helped the school so much so that their children are doing well in school.
To those who did not manage to get what you expected, I won't tell you to stop being sad if you don't want to or ask you to chin up or anything (though it's not a bad idea). But know that everything happens for a reason, and Allah has better plans for you, there's still a long way to go.
this is a senior of mine's picture
Just know that what happens now could lead to a better future. Don't see the results as the whole picture. Failure in some things don't last. For example, my eldest brother who so badly wanted to study engineering overseas was disqualified from any scholarships because of his BM results and he had to study Law instead, something he never thought of before. In the end, he graduated as the President of the Law Society of UIAM (the same as Syed Saddiq) and is happy being a lawyer. Another person close to me had his scholarship taken back after failing so many times studying overseas. But then, studying in Malaysia back had made him one of the top in his class and he is so much happier with his family close to him. Because everything had already been confirmed by Allah since the beginning of time, and He knows what is best for you, which bitter moments you need to experience that could ultimately lead you to be better.
I didn't mean to write a deep post at all. In my mind at the beginning, this post was full of caps lock and yays and exclamation marks hahahahaha. But nothing wrong with this too I guess? Therefore, that is all, bye. Saranghae kkkk that was uncalled for bye.
No comments:
Post a Comment